Nobody wants to hear you sing about tragedy

I deperately need to stop over-analyzing every little thing. Stop making stupid and impossible assumptions that only lead to false hope. Stop thinking too highly of myself, feeling I'm the center of attention. I need to control my overactive imagination. I have to stop being so damn desperate and deluding myself on something that would never, ever happen.

I really don't know what's going on. I thought that phase was over, then it comes back suddenly. It's not like me but it just keeps coming back. Am I really this deep in desperation?

I seriously, seriously want to bang my head on a wall, just to forget.






I want out.







Because I'm just pointlessly, slowly killing myself, and none would be the wiser.

A bout of depression

I felt so sad yesterday. As in when my relatives who lived near us came over our house to celebrate, I was so down. I actually broke down thrice. I dunno why I was so depressed but I had to run up to the bathroom just to let it out. I washed my face and told myself, "What's wrong with you? Stop crying, for God's sakes." Sigh... It makes me wonder if I have depression. Not just feeling "emo" but the actual sickness. I mean, this wasn't the first time I felt really sad for no apparent reason. Like one minute I'm okay, then I'll be depressed and I won't fell better for a long time. Maybe I'm bipolar? I dunno, but both are bad news : Yesterday I felt empty and heavy at the same time. I was thinking of all my problems and misfortunes that for a minute I could suddenly relate to Hamlet. And it had to happen on my birthday. Happy birthday. Isn't that ironic?

Sigh. Why so sad? I need to be happier!